Inspired by the BBC series Jonathan Creek created by David Renwick, with more inspration from Andy Breckman's Series 'Monk'
A few hours before Lake had the phone call:
They were having a fight, again. Arguements are suppose to be loud, but not so loud that the whole neighbourhood could hear it. The Lincrafts have had a bit of trouble in the past but frankly the residents of sommertonvilla seemed quite worried that someone was going to to something they would regret. The residents of sommertonvilla were a very conected community, everyone was in everyone elses affair. Once a week they would set up a mini-market stand down the road for everyone to trade, sell and prod their dirty fingers all over other peoples produce. You know, mainly jam, or the odd bit of pigs ears. The day was pretty much over, it was the afternoon and everyone was packing up thier splintered market stands. And mainy trying to ignore the shoutings at no.42, not that they were. Everyone seemed to be a bit different that day. The Lincraft's fight was a bit diffrent. It was too short. Loud, but short. The door burst open at no.42 and Mr.Lincraft stormed out. Everyone in the street quickly went back to what they where doing to make it seem they wernt listening in on their disruptive conversation. Mr Lincraft had a soft innocent face with black hair comed over to one side. He had an average hight, if not a bit taller, and was waring a thin white un-buttoned shirt which you could see his mussels creep thorugh. He strolled up to the boundres of his house. "Hi Steptic" he said. Mr.Steptic was the closest person to Lincraft at the time, having a fish stool right out side No.42. Steptic was an old fisherman, hence all the fish. He had a long white beard and a dark blue fisherman's clothing on. Unfortunally he had a studder that made it very hard to speek to him. "h..h..hello m..m..m..Mr..lin..craft". He forced past his voice box. "So, have a lot of sucsess in the fish buissnes today?" Mr.Steptic was confused, since when did he care, about anyone. He always kept to himself and was quite unplesnt to talk too. "Well..I.." Then Steptic's recount of the day was cut short. A blood curling scream came from the Lincraft's house. No one of the street moved, a few more people came out of their houses to investigate what was going on. The sound of smashing glass shortly followed and thatn Mr.Lincraft went sprinting into the house. A few moments past untill Mr.Lincraft came stumbling out of the house covered with blood. And you didnt need to be smart to know what to do next.
Naturaly Simon didnt get alot of sleep last night, that phone call lasted longer that he imagined, it started with Eleanor being asked to report on a suss robery turned murder when someone got stabbed with a weapon that magically dissapeird. She thought who better to find where it went than an actual magician! It then ended with how to make a ceaser salad with raw eggs and cheeze balls. That was an odd thing she said, cheeze balls? They are disgusting. They have no cheese in them, if they do its not enough to call them cheese. Nevertheless she somehow mannaged to invite herself over. And that also brings up the question how she got Simons number, but she pulled the old 'never expose sources' line and moved on. It had been a long time since Simon had had anyone come into his windmill before. It might be a good idea if he'd tidy up. later. But first he would have to complete his daily morning riturals. This started with a bowel with some high-fiber ceral. Because fiber is very important as part of a balanced meal. A shower under the bathroom tap, or a bath in the sink depending if he could find the plug or not. Stand infront of a fan or a hair dryer and then probally get dressed and work on a magic trick for his client. Unfortunaly this routen would be cut short for his untimely vist. Simon stood surveying his home, still damp with water for something to tidy. It was times like this that he would wish he had a caretaker to help him. Most chipmunks in his 'condition' would have an adult to help them with day-to-day activitys. Like shopping. But Simon prefered his own company to others. Dispite his size he was making good progress with his self inflicted slave labour untill he heard what sounded like a cow being run over. This was infact the sound of Eleanor's caretaker's driving. One of the perrels of beeng looked after a deranged 80-something year old woman. Simon hauled his damp paws up onto the windowsill to see if any damage had been cause. It wasnt so bad, only half of his front gate was knocked over. In the passanger seat of the convertable car was Eleanor, so pushed into the chair cushion, she might as well be sitting in the back. After about ten minuets of prying her out of it and leaving a grove the shape of her, she came upto the door. "Found the place alright" Awserd Simon trying to containg the growing rage of his broken fence. "Well i must say its not very inconspicuous" Elearnor said, gazing around the inside of the windmill. All around her were bookshelf filled with globes of the world, statues, papers and well books. The place had a mystic feeling to it. Like one of those odd pawn shops you get in the back ally of citys. There was a circuler table in the middle of the room, stacked to the roof with old torn out news papers and asorted chunks of wood. A sheet of blue paper was lying spread open weighted down by a stone and a old coffeemug. On it was the skecthes of a person in a box with words like 'secret trap door' and 'mirror at a 40 degree angle'. The place was a complete mess. All around the stone walls had posters of famous magicians like Houdini, The Amazing Jonathan, Max Mavin, and one that caught her attention. "Is that who i think it is?" She Said not taking her eyes off the poster. "Well that's what the name says" Replyed Simon walking up next to her. Eleanor looked at Simon with amazement. "Do you know him?" Eleanor walked up to the poster. "Know him?" Simon chuckled "I work for him". Eleanor gave a giggled squeek. "How so?" She tryed to stay professional. "Well you know those tricks he won so many awards for?" Eleanor nodded. Simon pointed at himself. "Your kidding!" She accidently souted. "You make magic triks for Damion Sinders?, who won the life time achivement award last year in illiusions in entertainemt, when they dont even have an award for that? Who was in the top 50 sexiest people of all time? AND the only person to match David Copperfeild's rank of magic level!?" Eleanor took this oppotunity to start breathing again. "Yes, why would i lie about something like that?" Lake replyed with a cocky tone of voice. And right on que, his phone began to ring. He rotated aroung in circules. "Now Where did i put the bloody.." Simon jumped up onto a desk and began to shuffle around with some papers. Eleanor also began to search for the phone. "Here, catch" Eleanor said throwing the phone at Lake after she loated it. Simon looked at the screen. "Well speaking of the devil" He placed his paw on the screen. "Hi Damion" He Called into the speeker. " Yea well I....But somethings just come up....But its like 10 in the morning...how many have you had....I told you not to, you know very well what happens after three....You what....no you cant bite the head off a live bat on stage....because its unethical.....i dont care....yea but he's a rock star you're a mag...anyway they where only rumors.....what do you mean you've got him there....not don't put him on....Oh, hi Mr.Osbourne its Simon Lake...you know from the new year's party" Simon Put his hands over the speeker "This may take a while" He whistperd at Eleanor "Go and play with some magic thing for a bit"
She strolled into the kitchen for a look around. The kitchen wasnt as interesting as she had hopped. Well what can you expect, its a kitchen. She used a small rope latter that Simon had assembled to clime onto a table with. On the table was todays newspaper and opend to the puzzles page. All the cross words had been filled out as well as the find a word. In the corner was a prize competition. It was one of those find the awnser to a riddle and win $50. So Eleanor thought she'd have a crack at it. It said the following:
A woman found her husband dead on a sunday moring in their house
The police came and rounded up everyone in the house at the timie to hear their alibis
The cook was making breakfast
The butler was cleaning the silver
The maid was collecting the mail
The gardner was using pesticide on the garden
The police imediately arrested the murderer
Who was it?
Eleanor looked at the question for sometime untill it gave her a headache. For her this was quite tricky, she didnt know the 'meathod' for solving latural thinking question. Simon entered the kitchen "Ok thats the last time i ask how his family is doing" he announced to Eleanor but she was in deep thought at the question. "What's up?" He climed up to Eleanors level. "This" Eleanor said pointing at the paper. Simon took one look at it. "Well that's easy". "Dont tell me the awnser i want to figure it out" She thought for a bit longer. "The garderner, he used pesticide on the husband" She looked at Simon "Nah" he said. " Oh bollocks i give up. Whats the awnser" She follded her arms. "I wont tell you but i will help you" Simon said. "Now see their is a 'method' you can use in cases like this, the 'method' normaly involes questions you ask yourself that can be responded by looking at the problem and finding a yes/no awnser." Eleanor looked blankly at Simon. "Ok first you need to find the question you will 'ask the problem', what do you think that is?" Eleanor look at the question again. "Who killed the husband?" Simon said nothing. He picked up a pen and underlined SUNDAY. "So it happend on sunday" Eleanor said to Simon. Simon nodded back. She thought harder for a second. "What was an odd thing to do on a sunday?" Simon clapped his paws "Good job, now ask it" Eleanor looked back at the question. Her face dropped to a smile. "How did i miss that?" She looked back once again at Simon. "No mail on Sundays". She bagan to laugh "Well that only took me five minuets". "Yea and it took me 30 seconds" She elbowed Simon in the ribs gently "Quite you, no one likes a bragger. Now go get dressed were going in a bit". "I am dressed" Simon said acting like he was insulted. By this time Eleanor was back on the floor. She Turned and had a good look at Simon. "What?" He looked down at himself. Once again he was wearing his brown duffled coat and blue shirt. "Well let's say if my sister was here, She would kill you, Now where's your dressing cupbourd?" It was almost like she was demarding to see it. Simon pointed to the stairs. "In my room". Eleanor bolted up stairs and Simon slowly dragged along. She found the cupbourd and jumped on the handles. She twisted both of them and used her feet to swing the door open. She heard Simon behind her. "Dont you have a caretaker to do this kind of stuff?" She was clearly struggling opening the cupbourd. "No" Simon exclaimed. After She opend it She was surprised to see it empty. "Urrr" Eleanor was pointing at the empty Cupbourd. "Well you sorta have too.." Simon swung the doors closed and leaped onto the handels. "Do this" He continued. Simon pressed to buttons that where on eather side of the handles. This time when the door was open it was filled with clothes and other mystic asorted items. "I dont even want to know how you did that." Eleanor expressed a dumbfounded face. "Well thats good, Im not sure how it works eather. It was a present from Sinders" Eleanor huffed some hair out of her eyes and began work on Simons new look. She spent quite awhile on developing Simon to make it look like he had a fasion sence. "You have too many of these brown burlap sacks" She begab trowing them around the place. "I happen to like DUFFLED coats" Simon said picking up his coats. "here we go" Eleanor pulled out a plastic suit bag and opend it up. "You've never worn this have you?" Simon shook his head. "Well no time like the present" She trew it at Simon "put it on" Simon unzipped it and had one look. "Theres always tomorrow" He said in disgust. Eleanor looked at him in a treatning way. "Alright" Simon gave in and walked down to the living room to get changed. When he came back up to his bed room he was wearing this navy-blue suit jacket with thin white stripes, a blue tie and a white shirt. Simon stood there with Eleanor judging him."Its missing something...where's that fedora you were wearing the other day?" Simon raised his eyebrows "behind you" Eleanor picked it up and placed it on Simon's head. She showed him a mirror. "What do you think?" Simon looked up and down at him self and said "I look like Philip Marlowe." Eleanor smiled. "Thats the whole point, lets roll" Simon twisted his face "Im surprised you know who Phillip Marlowe is" Eleanor turnded back to him "whats that supose to mean?" Simon's eyes widend "urr nothing" He said trying to get out of punisment. Eleanor slowly crept up to Simon. "well i think you'll look more like Marlowe." Simon stood frozen with his eyes closed. "Without these glasses" Eleanor yanked his glasses off him and put them in her bag. Simon opend his eyes and everything infront of him was a blur. "Oh come now" He souted at Eleanor. "Cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it" She replyed scuttling down the stairs. "Come on down to the car" Simon did the best he could getting out of his room. "That's if i can find it." he said to himself.
Lake painfuly made his way down the stairs and ran into what he tought was the door. "May I please have my glasses back now?" He tryed to put as much sorrow in his eyes as possible. "Im out here" Eleanor shouted from the front garden. "Then where am I?" Simon began to shif his way around the place to see if he could see anything. "Your still inside, you've been talking to the wall for the past 2 minuets, now get a move on!" She grabbed his furry wrist and pulled him to the car, which was still lodged in his gate. Eleanor placed Lake in the back of the car with her. She leaned over to the front of the car. "Go to this adress, Miss, M. If you wouldnt mind." Lake struggled with his seat belt. "Ok now I really need my glasses." He demanded. "Actually for this ride, it would be better if you couldn't see." Eleanor whistperd in his ear. The car voilently screached out and dislodged itself from the gate and swerved down the dirt road to the main road. "What do you want me for exactly?" Simon said inbetween the horns of pasing cars. "Heres the gist of it, Mr lincraft has a fight with his wife, goes out to the front yard AND wilst he's out there person comes into a house locked from all entrances, except the front door that was beeing watched the whole time, and murderd Mrs lIncraft leaving no trace whatsoever, no finger prints, no hair, not even a murder weapon." Lake turned his head slightly looking out of the car. "Turn your head a bit more, im over here." He adjusted his head. "And he agreed to let a talking chipmunk magician to look around his house and find how someone can enter and leave a locked house?" Eleanor smiled "Yes" "Well I would love to help, but at the moment im legaly blind" Eleanor sighed and handed back Lake his glasses. He fliped them back on and looked around to see the car he was in speeding down a highway, narowly avoiding oncoming traffic as the tire streaches peiced his ear drums like a knife. He took off his glasses and handed them back to Eleanor. "Thats what I thought." She said putting them back in her bag.
A few hours later both of the chipmunks turned up, alive, at sommertonvilla just out side number 42. Who the resident now need to buy a new letter box. "Alright here we are." Eleanor said with a tap of happyness. "And you ride in that car everyday?!" Simon said stumbeling out, dazzed and still blind. "Right this is what were gonna do, Im gonna stay with Mr lincraft and talk with him for a bit, ya know investigative questioning stuff, and you my blind blue eyed friend are gonna walk around the place and be a detective." "Oh thats right, because beeing a magician and beeing a detective are so similar." Lake said stumbeling and then finaly falling over at the doorstepp. The door to the house flew open "Ahh" souted the man at the door step. "Oh hello im Eleanor i called before, and this is my police consultant Detective Lake." Simon picked himself off the ground. "Hello there" He said cheerfully facing right from the front door. "Urrr...detective turn around' Said Mr lincraft. Simon turned right and was now facing with his back to Lincraft. "Turn around Simon!" Eleanor said sturnly and twisted him to face Lincraft. "You could do with some glasses." Lincraft joked and gave the chipmunks a motion to come inside. Simon crept next to Eleanor and help his paw out "Detective Lake?" Eleanor took his glasses out of her bag and gave them back to Simon. "Who's gonna let a magic chipmunk into their house, that would just be weird." Simon and Eleanor enterd the kitchen where Lincraft was waiting. "Detective, the room were....you know, hasnt been touched since....yea..you know, feel free to have a look around when your ready" Lincraft said staring out the window with a tear building up in his eye. " Ok sure and please call me Lake" He walked into the room where Mrs Lincraft spent her final hours to look around. He had know idea what he was looking for but he'll know he's found it once he see's it.
The living room were the victim was murderd was quite a small room, it had book shelves on one side of the room and a fireplace on the other. There where no means of exit exept the door Simon had just enterd though and a single wide window. He walked on all fours up to the window to try to open it. Simon used all of his chipmunk strength to push the window open. Of course this wasn't alot of strength and the window wouldn't budge. It almost seemed if it had been permently closed. Simon thought for a second and began to look very closely at the frame of the window sill. And just as he thought there was a small lump under the paint. He scratched away at the lump and fount a rivet under all the paint. The window was bolted shut, too keep people out? Or to keep someone in? He looked around a bit more of the room. He shifted his investigation to the front fireplace where the body was found. The carpet was still stained with an exesive amount of blood. Nothing else rather stood out in the room like the bolted windows, he was ready to give up. It wasnt possible for anyone to enter and leave a room with only one guarded entrance. Just as he was going to haul the door closes and leave he noiticed something. Its funny how the smallest things such as a fireplace can give away part of the awnser to this whole thing. He had a theroy to how she was murderd, but he needed a bit more, mostly the tempeture. Eleanor was still in the kitchen talking to Lincraft when she saw Simon indicating that they should go. "Right well thanks for your help" Eleanor said and She and Lake left the house. "So wha da ya find" Eleanor said to Lake as the walked up to the car. "A theroy" Is all he said. "Tell me, what was the tempreture the day she was murdered?" Simon asked "I dont know but it think it was quite warm. Why?" Eleanor opend the car door for Simon "Because that fireplace had been used recently" SImon Jumped into the car and put on his seatbelt. "So?" Eleanor sat next to Lake. "Ill tell you later, lets go." After long drive the car stoped outside a grey building. "I dont live here." Simon said. "Well neaither do I, it a morgue." "What are we doing at a morgue?" Eleanor opend the door and they both climed onto the ground. "Well we're here to give Mrs. LIncraft a visit." SImon sighed and followed Eleanor into the building. The both climed up to the front desk and waited to be served. "So am i still detective Lake or am i now a doctor or a professer?" Simon said with a sarcastic tone. "Dont be silly your not any of those things" A woman walked up to the chipmunks. "How can i help you?" Eleanor reached into her bag and pulled out to black flaps. "Im agent Rutledge and this is agent Marlowe from the unexplained deaths department of the FBI, we're here to view the corpes of the late Mrs. Lincraft." Simon looked like he was going to faint. "What are you.." Simon stopped himself and gave in. "Yes.....im agent Marlowe" He said sounding drunk. The woman looked at thier badges. "Ok...follow me" She open a card operated door and led them to the room with Mrs lincrafts body. As they were walikng Simon had a look at the FBI badge. The badge was really well done, it even had a picture of Simon on it and under 'name' it had MARLOWE Phillip. "How did you do this?" He asked Eleanor who was still basking in how well she did to get in here. "I planned it." She said smugly. "Oh very funny". They stopped at the end of the hall and opend a door. The woman guiding them began to talk to the security guard who was sitting on a chair next to the room. "Hi Mr.Turkish" She said to him. He didnt look up from the book he was reading "HI" The woman opend the door. "Im just showing Agent Rutledge and Marlowe a body in here, i wont be long. I didnt even know they let chipmunks into the FBI." Simon and Eleanor entered the room. "Sure thing" He replyed. The woman then followed Eleanor and Simon into the room where Mrs.Lincrafts body was. "Ok, well ill leave you too it." And she left the room. Simon waited for the door to close before he began to speek. "What ever we need to do we have to do it quickly." He sounded paniced. "Why, whats the rush?" Eleanor was rummaging though peices of paper on a desk in the same room. "Didnt you see what book that guard was reading?" Eleanor didnt share Simons stress. "Nope" She picked up a few pieces of paper. "What was it 'How to tell if the FBI agent that enterd the room is a fake?" Eleanor mocked. "Well it might as well been, he was reading the big sleep." Eleanor turned around "Yea, so who's in that?" Simon was shocked "WE ARE, Phillip Marlowe and Vivian Rutledge are charaters in the big sleep, it only a matter of time before he relizes and arrests us for impersonating a govenment official." Simon began to pace walk. "I thought you said you knew who Marlowe was anyway." Eleanor looked at Simon. "By know i actualy ment I hered the name after my sister told me about it." Simon fell to the ground. "Dont lie down on the job Simon, we've got work to do."
The Springwood Slasher presents: Simon Lake: in cold blooded, Part 2